I check my mailbox once a month, mostly out of nostalgia. Remember when mail mattered? Anyway, in the mix of catalogs, advertisements and new credit cards I’ll often find a relatively blank envelope marked “URGENT”, “FINAL NOTICE” or “IMMEDIATE RESPONSE REQUIRED.” You may be familiar with these deceptive solicitations meant to pump fake you into fearfully calling the sender so they can lull you into purchasing their product. I’m used to these letters, and the same thought crosses my mind every time I read them: 

“Oh… I don’t have to do any of this.” 

As official as the language can seem and no matter how much they look like an IRS notice or past due bill, its all a bluff. The company behind the letter simply does not have the authority to take any action against me. They only have as much power as I give them.

Whether I like to acknowledge it or not, I wake up to an enemy every day, and he’s an early riser. I think Satan works pretty hard to get the first word in. After all, it’s much easier to destroy a kingdom of heaven on earth by making sure it doesn’t get built in the first place. 

His strategy is straightforward: take some truth, mix in a few strategic lies, blend it all together and let it bake in your mind. Satan took the same approach when he took a swing at tempting Jesus: he started with scripture each time. The lie wasn’t in the words he used but the context he presented it within. It’s clever, but if you are the “Father of Lies”, I have to assume you’re good at it.

I recently started taking walks around my neighborhood early in the morning to force myself to actively pray. Movement helps me to focus and the threat of walking into parked cars in the dark keeps me off my phone. I’ve grown to enjoy these walks more than I thought I would. Towards the end of my walks I often pray something like, “Holy Spirit, what is something I need to hear right now?” It’s my suggestion box, catch-all, “please take this survey and leave a review” prayer. Truthfully, I spend most of the walk talking about what I want to talk about, so I ask the question to make sure the Holy Spirit has a chance to get a word in. I don’t always expect to “hear” something, but on one morning recently, a thought formulated quickly:

“He’s handing you a report card and a checklist every morning, and you don’t have to take it.”

I instantly understood what he meant. Every morning I wake up to a metaphorical envelope stamped, “URGENT – RESPONSE REQUIRED” containing two long lists: the first list are yesterday’s “shoulds” — all the things I should have done (or done better) yesterday. 

I should have spent less time on my phone and more time with my kids. 

I should have responded to that email or text.

I should have scheduled that appointment.

I should have remembered that friend’s birthday. 

I should have woken up earlier to go to the gym. 

The list goes on and on, and each “should” is up and ready to greet me first thing in the morning, waiting to gift me its daily stipend of shame. 

The second list is all the “shoulds” for today. Some have rolled over to today from previous days with tiny weights of shame attached to them. The rest are today’s new batch of shoulds – everything I must accomplish in order to be successful, competent, but especially, acceptable. These also come pre-packaged with shame that vests throughout the day as I fail to flawlessly cross off enough items and the realization sinks in that tomorrow’s report card will read the same as todays: FAIL.

When reflecting on my days, I see the anxious tearing open of the envelope, the heart-drop as I read yesterday’s report card, the earnest desire to cure yesterday’s failure with today’s performance, and off I go – a frenzied, impatient, stressed out child attempting to justify his own existence to himself with activity. It’s a cycle that repeats every day with a history that stretches back to childhood. 

On that morning I took my walk, I didn’t have the words to describe all of this. I only had the symptoms – anxiety and an underlying lack of peace. I needed perspective, and that is really what God gave me that morning. I thought I was struggling to go uphill on a road bike and God showed me I was on a Peloton. I could pedal as hard as James-ly possible – I wasn’t going anywhere.

It was as if God was saying to me, “Every morning, Satan hands you the same condemning report card he’s handed you for over 30 years, listing the same ‘failures’ and ‘issues’ he claims you’ve always had because, as he loves to say, ‘you’ll never change.’ He’s handing you the same growing checklist of “shoulds” he’ll never allow you to see the end of.”

“…But I have something for you too.”

In my mind I imagined God handing me a card, blank on one side but something written on the underside. I could see myself taking the card and turning it over to find one word: 

“MERCY”

A verse in the ancient book of Lamentations came to mind: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.” ‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3‬:‭22‬-‭23‬

It was if God was saying, “I have relentlessly refreshing mercies that are new every morning, fully prepared to cover all of yesterday and today’s shortcomings.”

It helped when God shared his perspective on the vicious cycle of report cards and checklists: those are envelopes I don’t have to open with requirements I don’t have to abide by. Reframing a lie with truth provides freedom. However, the part that was transformative was realizing he had something for me too: a gift sent with every sunrise.

Today you have two envelopes in front of you. One has the power to condemn you, but only if you give it the power to do so. The other has the power to free you. It’s up to you which one you will open.

You are reading this somewhere right now, and I hope this has timed out just right. I hope it’s somewhere between 6 and 7 am where you are; that you are by a window with a view of the horizon. You’re about to see a sunrise, but the sun never really “set.” We just can’t see it for a little bit from where we are. God’s mercy never went to sleep on you either – you’re just waking up to it now. So as you see the sun creep up over the horizon, remember…

It’s morning. God has something new he wants to give you.